I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
