I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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