this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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