The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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