I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
