his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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