Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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