the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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