I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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