Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
