how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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