I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
