shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
