Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
