I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
