Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
