Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
