I hate all girls vehemently.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
