Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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