I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
two words...techno handjob
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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