Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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