i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we should paint friendship bongs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
