AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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