fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
