Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
