It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
