Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
