How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
