just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
