You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Will exercising make me less horny?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
