we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
3 2 1 whiskey
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
