it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
