im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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