Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
