so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
