Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
