apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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