somebody snuck up and got me drunk
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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