Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
