I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
