Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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