get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
