I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
