Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
