Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
