Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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