Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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