guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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