we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
