I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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