He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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