I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
