don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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