Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
