You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize