I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
