as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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