Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
