i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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