How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
