You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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