I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
