U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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