she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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