the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
