Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
