I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
