if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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