So drunk its hurt
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
