Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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