My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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