Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
