so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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