I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
