i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize