i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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