All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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