I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
