Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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